Not the 3:30pm Nightly News! (Robin Reich)
There’s been a massive sell-off overnight in hectopascals, with community profit-takers acknowledging that the boys did good. The meanings of specific words have been reversed, precipitating a quest for a cure that mother Earth has hitherto withheld on account of recently introduced legislation. Fear has been replaced by hope, and love for others has been decriminalised, albeit in a pure dream state, which scientists acknowledge as being the birth of finance. Someone has been described as a flat-track bully, and at certain times of the day celestial events conspire to produce word counts that even the losers adore. Now we cross to a dead still re-enactment of a recently recorded moral, long ago extinct, although think-tanks and lobby groups have vowed to find the winning formula after next week’s bye. In other news, our nation has been found to be totally corrupt, unlike the peace process that will end tomorrow during the free sausage sizzle in Bazza’s backyard. Bubbles, bail-outs and bingo halls have steadily declined; the subsequent shortfall has seen Government abandon plans shaped as sugar diets. We have a live update from our society kingpin, who declares that every aphorism has an equal and opposite aphorism. Yes, that’s right, the early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Medical research suggests that shortcuts are an allusion to extra-time, where low pressure systems produce solid performances through education reforms. Frightening world events have become less frequent, as it’s been discovered that starving children are to blame for an increase in satisfaction amongst consumers of new information. Obviously, remodelling is not required, as we sign-off on another day, when pirate dolphins have yet again topped the registers of sensibility.