Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Dating App (D. Gilson)

Verity La Heightened Talk

FullSizeRenderIn God we trust, all others send data.
No fatties, no femmes. Dick pics?
Can you host? Can you bottom?
Can you get into roleplay? Sodom
& Gomorra? Teacher & Student?
Doctor? Patience, it could be fun.
Networking. Looking for friends.
Here’s a selfie in my Mercedes-Benz.
President: John Wayne Gacy Fan
Club. Seeking Granddaddy: Fixodent,
Bengay, 401(k)s turn me on.
Allergic to cats. Allergic to latex.
Undetectable. Discrete. Tie me up
& tickle my feet. Where do you want
me to cum? The sum of two parts
is greater than the whole. Are you my soul
mate? Is your hole clean? Great.
Be there in ten. Your looking for a hookup?
Gross. You’re looking for an apostrophe.
The heart, a muscle, begins to atrophy.
Let’s makeout. Let’s get takeout and cuddle.
Piss on the floor. Now lick the puddle.

D. Gilson is the author of I Will Say This Exactly One Time: Essays (Sibling Rivalry, 2015); Crush (Punctum Books, 2014), with Will Stockton; Brit Lit (Sibling Rivalry, 2013); and Catch & Release (2012), winner of the Robin Becker Prize. He is a PhD candidate in American literature and cultural studies at The George Washington University, and his work has appeared in PANK, The Indiana Review, The Rumpus, and as a notable in Best American Essays. Find D. at