almost me, almost you
imagine you were meant to be
half of two but disturbance
caused absorption
a rush of amniotic fluid floated
entopic and phantom as questions
for too long you felt
something missing something
amiss a wish for shared experience
like dancing a fandango
and completed sentences something
to compensate for or complement
your failings and you didn’t know
who what or why
too much uncertainty takes
too big a toll as if your atoll
should be a twin island entrance
to a magical territory instead of
forever out of bounds never found
always a mystery your invisible
companion lost bodyguard
yūgen
had we prescience
at such an early stage
we might beg our twin
to share this dissolve
and what comes after
if only now and then
in exchange we could impart
the prayer of a bud, a bone
the downwards drift of petals
things of true importance
yūgen or grace, subtle
and profound, tells of a melt
not into or out of nothingness
but to or from potential
one wave does not
an ocean make
yet wave upon wave
pulses perfection
Jan Dean, a former visual arts teacher, is published in Shuffle (Spineless Wonders) as 2019 Hunter category winner of the Joanne Burns Award. Forthcoming collection is Intermittent Angels (Girls on Key Press). Current poems appear in FemAsia and Not Very Quiet. Poetry credits include three Newcastle Poetry Prize anthologies.