STARS

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20): You’re big on possessions, or possessing things, which might be about collecting typewriters or you are, in fact, a ghost, or a poltergeist, or some other bloody-scary thing that really should be relegated to TV.  Actually, that’s where poltergeists live, isn’t it, in the telly.  Be that as it may, we suggest you put all your energy into possessing your words on the page – make them so frightening that we can’t look away.

GEMINI (May 21 – June 20): Wow, May is going to be a cracker for you, because your innate positivity will open doors.  Just ensure that your positivity has teeth, in that we mean that you’re not just wandering about saying everything’s beautiful.  Beauty is great, obviously, but a little bit of ugliness goes a long way too.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22): Your love – what can we say.  It’s endless for you, and your arms are always open.  How good is it to give love?  How good is it to feel love?  And you’re the giver, you really are, which means that we want you on our side.  Spend the next four Tuesdays making sure that every word you write is overflowing with love.

LEO (July 23 – Aug 22): This month for you will be all about your ambition, which might get away from you, just a little.  It’s okay to aim for the stars (nice reference in this context, don’t you think?) but there’s also a need to be practical. Desperately want your latest novel to be published by Text in Melbourne?  Heck, why not dream.  But our advice is to make sure that you’ve got a crash-landing pad all worked out beforehand.  Just as well as those folk from Text are delightful.  As you are, too.

VIRGO (Aug 23 – Sept 22): The next four weeks are going to be about your natural ability to follow your instincts, which is just a little bit of a garbled sentence – anyone with natural abilities is going to be able to follow their instincts; then again maybe not; best to keep moving forwards.  The point is, turn your brain down, and turn your heart up, and you’re going places, you really are.

LIBRA (Sept 23 – Oct 22): Good old Librans – you do like the quiet, but this month you’ll be as sociable as all fuck.  There’s going to be a party here, and dinner-date there, and a coffee over this way, and someone will want you to speak at this other forum.  Enjoy it, because it won’t last – we can already see your June and you’re going to be…lost in some kind of metaphorical cave.  Don’t worry, we’ll sort it all out later.

SCORPIO (Oct 23 – Nov 21): Just a hint of elusiveness is coming your way, which might not be such a bad thing.  What’s going to work is ploughing it all into what comes out of your fingers, by which we mean what you write, obviously.  Especially if fiction’s your bag – not everything has to be tied up neatly, you know.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 – Dec 21): You’ve got confidence flooding all around you, so you’ll need to make sure you’ve got your gumboots handy.  Then again, why not try walking on water – it worked for some bloke from the past.  Seriously, there’s no reason for you to put yourself down – you’re gonna be a STAR, baby!

CAPRICORN (Dec 22 – Jan 19): We’re getting some really detailed readings here: every Wednesday at 10.30pm you’re going to find yourself in the most sensual mood imaginable.  The thing is, you’ll need to get off the couch or out of bed and take yourself to your writing room and let those gorgeous words out onto the page, or screen, or whatever it is you use.  Are we jealous?  You bet.

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 – Feb 18): Cool: your degree of flamboyancy is going to skyrocket this month.  So wear those yellow pants if you want.  Don that peacock-style hat.  Heck, if hanging out nude is your thing, why not make the most of it.  Just amp it up however you can.  And if you’re a poet, you’re in for one heck of a productive four-week period.

PISCES (Feb 19 – March 20): Sometimes your life is about being the victim, or wanting to help the victim, or feeling victimised for every little thing you do.  And it’s okay, it really is.  Just step outside yourself and say, I will overcome this by creating the best story that’s ever been written, really, I will do it, just you watch.  Nice.

ARIES (March 21 – April 19): Your impulsiveness takes you into some really interesting places, and, we’ve got to point it out, some dangerous places.  In terms of danger, only go there in your imagination, and go there well and good; push things as far as possible…and then some.  That way you’ll rock our world with your art.  And there’s nothing better in the world than that.

Please note: these predictions are only current for the period 1 May to 28 May 2013.  We claim no responsibility for what might happen outside this period.  Quite honestly, we claim no responsibility at all.  For anything.